You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
