please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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