i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
