when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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