He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
