You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
