Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
where are you?
Hypothermia
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
