I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drunk is not a location!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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