I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
