i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
