Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
