Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
