Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
