I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he fucked my hip out of place.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
