Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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