He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
