do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
