i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
