Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
