I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I am morally bankrupt
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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