The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
