you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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