biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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