I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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