May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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