Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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