i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
