just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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