Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
