HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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