the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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