new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
