Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
