nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
