a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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