I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
