U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
