When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
