she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
