Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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