my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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