In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
