those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
