she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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