ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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