so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
