3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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