Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I want is dick and wine.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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