i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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