I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
