Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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