:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
