I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
