Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
