I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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