Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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