Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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